It's not easy
by GraceTaliDavid-DiNozzo
Summary: Ziva's fed up with the way everyone feels that shes made of iron. while tony is rubbing his relationship in her face. what happens when she gets in a crash while Gibbs is in the car? x
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone, okay so I was in Wales visiting family and my banned me from the internet after 10 at night so over the week I came up with this. **

**Okay so I know that I've done stories before but this is my first multi chapter story for NCIS. Only the plot line is my own blah blah blah you get it **

**Any mistakes are my own as its unbetaed enjoy **** xx**

'I know baby...yes I'll be over with the dvd after work...yes we'll have dinner at yours...okay babe...yes you two' putting his phone down special agent Tony DiNozzo smiled and looked at his computer screen before his boss agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs came back and head slapped him for doing no work.

What he didnt know was that his partner agent Ziva David was trying not to be affected by his recent phone call. But watching his smug face she couldnt help but feel upset or even angry.

He was rubbing his relationship in her face even though she thought she had made her feelings clear, especialy after 5 months before when they had slept together but of course Tony kept saying that it couldnt have even worse for her, he'd gone back to Jeanne Benoit. The women who broke his heart in the first place, and now hers.

Pushing herself up and walking into the elevator and punching the buttons to the underground car parking, she knew she had to get out of there, even just for 5 minutes. She needed to clear her head. Clear it from him.

Sitting in her car and turning on her radio, one song came on that she felt really connected with how she felt.

_I can't stand to fly  
I'm not that naive  
I'm just out to find  
The better part of me_

I'm more than a bird…I'm more than a plane  
More than some pretty face beside a train  
It's not easy to be me

Everyone always thought she was a machine, that she didnt feel, tht she could always do everything and fight everyone. Sometimes all she wanted too do was sit down or scream at them.

_I wish that I could cry  
Fall upon my knees  
Find a way to lie  
'bout a home I'll never see_

It may sound absurd…but don't be naive  
Even Heroes have the right to bleed  
I may be disturbed…but won't you concede  
Even Heroes have the right to dream  
It's not easy to be me

Everyone wanted her too save them, never remembered that sometimes she needed to be saved. Saved from herself. Resting her forehead against the steering wheel without beeping the horn.

_Up, up and away…away from me  
Well it's all right…You can all sleep sound tonight  
I'm not crazy…or anything…_

I can't stand to fly  
I'm not that naive  
Men weren't meant to ride  
With clouds between their knees

Letting a tear fall down her face she carried on listening to the song thinking about everything that had happened since she had arrived at NCIS.

_I'm only a man in a silly red sheet  
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street  
Only a man in a funny red sheet  
Looking for special things inside of me  
inside of me ... inside of me ...(x2)_

I'm only a man in a funny red sheet  
I'm only a man looking for a dream

I'm only a man in a funny red sheet

It's not easy ... wu.. hoo.. hoo..  
It's not easy to be me...

Hearing a tapping at the window she turned the music down and looked over at the window to see her boss and father figure. Unlocking her red mini cooper he stepped in to her car. 'Ziver, what are you doing down here and not at your computer?'

And this is what she meant. 'Im not a robot, I do have feelings, why does everyone think that I dont!' putting the car in reverse she slammed her foot on the accelerator and started to drive manically around the streets of D.C. Even though Gibbs was used to fast driving even this started to scared him. Tears were filling Ziva's eye. 'Why does everyone like I'm indestructable?...God even my own partner can't even see that I hurt. I thought thats why we have partners to have our sixes... why mine doesnt have mine, hes always chattin up his new _girlfriend_'

Gibbs should have known that this envolved his senior feild agent. 'Ziva please, you have too calm down. Something's going to happe-'he was cut off when Ziva made a sharp turn and a lorry went head fast into the side of the car. Looking over at Ziva he saw that she had a head wound and the steering wheel was crashed between her ribs and her stomach. After looking at her he turned his head and feeling a sharp pain in his leg and his own head, everything went black.

Back at NCIS

It had been 2 hours since Gibbs had left the building on a coffee run and it NEVER took him this long and it was an hour and a half since she had just left, he knew something had happened, his gut told him. 'Probie! Track Gibbs and Ziva's phones!'

'Gibbs is at the hospital and I can't find Ziva's.'

'Gear up! Which hospital?'

'Bethesda' grabbing his badge gun and phone McGee and Tony head towards the car park. Tony drove towards the hospital turning the 33 minute journey into a 10 minute one. His driving was starting to get as bad as Gibbs. McGee wouldnt say as bad as Ziva's and her's was Very bad.

Once arriving at the hospital Tony breaked infront of the doors and raced out, once in the reception Tony rushed over to the front desk. 'Special agent Gibbs, where is he? Who is he visiting?'

'Sir, he isn't visiting anyone, hes a paitent here. And he's still in surgury.'

'Surgury? What happned?'

Typing on her computer the receptionist looked up the status 'he and agent Day-ved were involved with a car crash with a lorry.'

Tony looked at McGee 'Ziva' back at the receptionist 'and how is agent _Dah-veed_?'

'Ms Dah-veed has a broken arm, ribs-'Both agents breathed with a sigh of relief 'However she had a severe head injury inwhich has caused her too go in a coma' McGee got on the phone too Ducky, the director and Abby. All 3 said they were on their way. Looking round he found that Tony had already gone to Ziva's room.

'Which room?'

'241' running up the stairs, he run all the way down the corridoor, 238, 239, 240.

**Tbc?**

**Reviews are LOVED and they make me happy to know what people think. **

**If I need to improve on ANYTHING dont be afraid too say and ill see what I can do **

**GraceTaliDavid-DiNozzo xx**


	2. Chapter 2

**hey its me again, back home so I can post when ever I want : ) same as before : ) enjoy xx**

Finally, looking through the window he saw DiNozzo standing just through the doorway looking at a pale looking Ziva with all the machine that were keeping her alive and that there helping her too breathe. Her arm and leg were all plastered.

'Tony? Ill go and wait for news on Gibbs' all he got was a nod of the head. Walking up to the surgury waiting room, 5 minutes later Abby, Ducky and the director came into the room, well actually Abby came running in and jumped at McGee with tears strolling down her face.

Half an hour later a doctor in green scrubs came through the door. 'Family for agent Gibbs?' everyone getting up and looking at the doctor 'agent Gibbs's spleen had to be removed and luckily there was no lasting damage and he will be able too have visiters in about an hour or so.'

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief but Abby remembered that McGee had said something bout Ziva 'What happened too Ziva, McGee?'

'Abby...she's in a coma, Tony's with her.' Catching Abby's arm he looks at her. 'Abs she doesnt look good just be ready and Tony isn't much better I think he's in shock.' With a nodd of the head she found out her room number and walked down to see her.

Abby was shocked at what she saw, tony had his head resting on the side of Ziva's bed and looking over at Ziva a tear rolled down Abby's face. She had never saw the israeli women looking so vulnerable and innoccent. Heading over to the bed she kisses Zivas forehead. 'Please Ziva your like the sister I never had. I cant loose you like I lost Kate, please and I dont know what Tony would do without you. We all know he loves you reall-'

'Tony!' Abby turned around too see Jeanne Benoit looking at her wearing a nurses outfit and when Tony heard his name from his girlfriend he jumped up. 'Tony why are you here? I thought you would be on your way to mine now...remember? Or are you cheating on with this hoe?'

After hearing this Tony looked at Jeanne in shock. 'Jeanne shes my partner shes my best friend you know what I can't do thisd if you cant be friends with my then were over! Goodbye Jeanne;

Storming off Jeanne swore to herself that if she couldnt have DiNozzo then no one can.

Abby went over to Tony and updated him on Gibbs and hugging him. 'Any change?'

'No the doctor's say it's all to her now' sitting down in the two chairs they both started to chat to try and pass the time.

3 weeks later and Ziva still hadnt woken up; Gibbs was wheeled into the room for the first time by a nurse as he had ordered everyone to home. However he wasnt surprised to see Tony by Ziva's bedside waiting for her to wake up. 'Gibbs?'

'DiNozzo I thought I told you to go home'

'No boss I can't... I love her'

Gibbs couldnt help himself but mutter 'A bit late for that DiNozzo'

'What boss?'

'DiNozzo she crashed the car-'

'She did this to herself!' Tony looked angry and confused 'I knew she'd get in a crash one day, but too do it while your in the car boss-'

'DiNozzo! She was upset! And she will be when she wakes up! Maybe thats why my daughter wont wake the hell up! She doesnt want to!'

Tony was shocked that the bossman had said that much in one time and that Ziva, their Ziva was upset.

'Why?'

'How do you feel that she was so upset to crash a car?'

'Shocked, this is Ziva we're on about'

'And thats why'

A choking sound was heard in the background, both men turned around to find Ziva's eyes just open and her choking on the breathing tube in her throat.

After the nurse had taken the tube out Ziva looked at Gibbs and mimed 'I'm sorry I hurt you' a tear rolled down her face and Gibbs wheeled himself over to her bedside.

'No Ziver I'm sorry your only human like the rest of us.'

She mined 'can you get the doctor and tell Tony too leave?'

Once the doctor had come in and Gibbs had made Tony go home, Ziva mined to the doctor and Gibbs translated to him 'Did my baby survive?'

'Im sorry' Gibbs was shocked that Ziva was pregnant and Ziva was upset that she had lost her baby. Ziva nodded her head and the doctor left.

'Ziva I'm sorry, do you need anything?'

'Can I be alone?' she mimed to him as her throat was still sore. Once Gibbs had gone, she let more tears rolls down her face.

Gibbs phoned around to let everyone know that she was awake but chose not to tell anyone about the baby.

An hour later and everyone was outside of Ziva's room but Gibbs won't let them in and the blinds are drawn. Abby was jumping up and down trying to get past Gibbs 'pleeeaasseeee Gibbs let me through, Ziva! It's Abby!'

Inside the room Ziva could hear everyone outside but just chose to ignore them. Letting the tears fall from her eyes to the bed sheets. She could hear Abby wanting to know why she wasnt aloud inside and Gibbs trying to stop them. She knew she had to try and calm herself down, taking deep breaths she managed to achieve her goal and tried to put on her bravest face. 'Gibbs...they can see me'

Poking his head round the door he looks at Ziva 'you sure?'

'Yes' even though she was trying her hardest to keep her emotions in check Gibbs could tell that she was still hurting.

As soon as Gibbs had moved through the door Abby had ran through the doorway and over to Ziva carefully hugging her sister figure. 'Dont you ever do that to me again Ziva!'

'Sorry Abby, I guess I need to work on my driving' she tried to laugh but stopped when it hurt her stomach.

Once Abby had moved out the way McGee hugged her 'im glad your okay' he smiled at her and kissed her cheek and let Ducky look over her.

'well my dear, you seem to be recovering...' looking over the chart he spots the information on the misscarriage.

**Okay okay okay I know youll all hate me for the cliff hanger but can you please do it in reviews **** pretty please xx**

**GraceTaliDavid-DiNozzo**


	3. Chapter 3

Looking at Ziva's and Gibbs's faces Ducky knew not to say anything about the miscarriage as no one but them 3 knew on the team. He also knew that Ziva was trying to keep herself together in front of the team. Wanting her too be as comfortable as possible he turned to the rest of the team. 'Miss David needs her rest. I suggest that we say our goodbyes and see her in the morning.'

'But Duckyyyyy, I've Only just got to see her pleaseeeeeee'

'No Abigail, our friend needs her rest' After shooing everyone out except Gibbs he looked at Ziva and smiled.

'Feel better soon child and I'm sorry no one should go through that ever. Now come on Gibbs when I said leave the poor girl I mean it' After kissing Ziva's cheek goodbye he left the room with Gibbs in tow and the door shut behind them. Ziva knew that Ducky wouldn't say anything to anyone.

Knowing that she could finally cry and not worry about anyone else she let the tears make fresh marks down her face.

**The Next Day**

Flashing his badge at a local LEO, DiNozzo tried to pry as much information out of the police man as he could. 'Armed female suspect, holding a hostage in room 241'

'What are the demands?'

'There aren't any yet, sir'

Wait … the special agent knew that room…241...241...241! ZIVA! Running up the stairs two at a time, knowing that the elevator would take too much time; he finally got to Ziva's floor and started to creep slowly towards the room, a hand on the gun on his hip ready.

While being as quiet as he could be but still, was worried that the suspect would hear his fastly beating heart.

Peering into the room through the window that the prep hadn't closed the blinds, he saw Ziva lying in the bed sopping, while Jeanne was pointing a gun at her.

Wait! The suspect was Jeanne! His ex!

Moving closer to the door so he could hear what was being said better.

'You know I love him, but you, you hoe still had to take him off me! Beg! Beg for me not to kill you!' A lone tear rolled down Tony's face when he heard that. But what he didn't expect to happen scared him even more.

'Please, do it. You're a doctor, make the pain go away! Make my heart stop hurting him! Just do it! Go on kill me! I should have died in that car crash not my unborn baby boy! So you should just KILL ME!' Tears carried on rolling down Ziva's face as she had her melt down. From what Tony see Jeanne had taken a step back because of the confession however, still had the gun trained on Ziva.

As Tony remembered what Ziva had just said his mouth hung open. Ziva had been pregnant. Was that why she was so upset that she crashed the car? Tony knew that she had to be at least 20 weeks pregnant to find out the sex of the baby. He quickly did he maths, that would have meant she was at least 5 months pregnant. Then it clicked! About 5 months ago he and Ziva had got drunk and had sex all over his apartment. In his kitchen, on his couch, his living room floor, his bed(twice) and shower.

Knowing that Ziva isn't one for sleeping around like he used too. That would mean that Ziva had been pregnant with His baby.

He didn't know how to feel; Angry because she never told him, or sad that the son he had never known about or seen was dead before he was even born. But knowing that if he was going to save Ziva, he had to put all his emotions in a box and lock it so too speak.

'You were pregnant?'

Not hearing a response DiNozzo guessed that his partner had nodded her head instead of specking. _Maybe she didn't trust her voice after she had confessed that she was pregnant…_

Easing himself closer to the door, he could see through the crack that Jeanne had the gun pointed to Ziva's heart and even now, she had tears rolling down her face on to her hospital gown and the bed sheets. Knowing that making any sudden movements could cause Jeanne to become spooked and hurt Ziva-which wasn't what he wanted too happen. No. He was going to take it nice and slowly. Slowing his breathing down he started to open the door.

'Back off or I'll shoot her!'

'No you wont Jeanne'

'Tony…why are you here?'

'Please Jeanne, put the gun down'

'No! she took you off me!'

'No, Jeanne she steal me off you, Jeanne please…just think about this'

'I'm doing this for us! Tony… so we can be together'

'You really think that after this…I would take you back? You have a gun trained on my partner!' taking a step closer, Jeanne pointed her gun at Tony.

'I said stay back!'

Ziva knew that she should have been able too do something in this situation, especially with her training for Mossod, but with her broken arm and leg she could no. Looking on at the scene in front of her she kept her gaze on the gun; scared that Jeanne would shoot Tony or at least severely hurt him.

By now Gibbs had come back off his coffee trip as the hospital coffee stank. Having seen the commotion downstairs and getting a SITREP from a local LEO, he was up the stairs as quick as a flash and the door as back up for Tony and Ziva.

Jeanne saw Gibbs and looked over to Ziva and sniggered '_You _are meant to be an assassin are you not? Yet you need men to stick up for you now!'

Ziva growled at the women who had turned the gun to point towards her instead on Tony. Gibbs; with his eyes trained on Jeanne's hand that held the gun, her finger slowly starting to pull the trigger however, his moved faster putting a piece of metal at a high velocity into her forehead.

Having had Gibbs neutralise the threat, the first thing that Tony did was scoop the Israeli up into his arms and held her tight afraid she was going to fade away from his life.


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry it took soooo long for this chapter too come out but I had wrote it up in the notebook at my nans and started to copy it onto the laptop at home but between starting college and doing my mates shifts at work while he fixes up his flat I had bearly anytime too even sleep let alone do this story .**

**But anyway I hope you like this chapter****.**

**Grace xx**

With Ziva scooped up in his arms, with her head on his chest special Agent DiNozzo knew that this was how life was mean to be. Well okay maybe not that Ziva David was in hospital, had a broken arm and leg after a car crash that also made her loose the life that was growing inside of herat that time.

Did i mention that the said baby was his? And too top it all off his dead ex girlfriend, Jeanne Beniot, had treatened her life. Gibbs being the all fearless leader that he is saved the day.

But Athony. was just glad that his partner and the women he loved was okay and he vowed not only to himself but his bossand her not to let anything happenlike that Ever again.

Gibbs could see that his senior feild agent was glad thqat their newest probie agent was okay. _Maybe they would finally see what we see._ Gibbs thought that maybe he needed to rethink rule 12 as when he looked at DiNozzo all he coul see was the love and admoration for his partner.

He also knew for a fact, that Abby and McGee loved each other but both respected him and feared him too much to take any actions on it. Yes he knew he would definaty have to come up with some new rules about office relationships and he would have to throw out rule 1. In this case he knew rule 51 would come in handy. Sometimes you're wrong.

knowing that he should give his agents some space he backed out the room to go and let the local LEO's what had happened and because it was one of his agents that NCIS 0would be taking the body etc. he also knew that he wanted the job done quickly so he called Ducky who was now on his way to collect the body.

Back in the hospital room Ducky had just taken the body. Ziva and Tony were still in the same positions they were left in. no one was specking in fear that the other would move. Seeing they were both in a comfortable position and both felt comeforted by the pressence of the other. But they both knew that sooner or later someone had too speak.

Tony knew that they had to have this conversation soon and even though he didnt want to ruin this moment or make Ziva even more upset. He had to know why. 'Ziva?'

'Yes Tony?'For once her voice was soft and almost vulnerable. What he was about too do, made him feel like a monster.

'Why didn't you tell me about the baby?'

'Tony i'm sorry...iIt's just that you didn't see yourself with children because of your lifestyle and i didn't want to be the one to ruin your life and all your fun, or to pin you down too something you might not want.' A lone tear rolled down her face.

'Shhh...It's okay i'm not mad i just wanted to know. And i wouldnt mind giving up my lifestyle of you Zi.'

Ziva looked up at him in disbelief that she had kept such a big thing from him and he would give up everything for her. Tony lowered his head until their lips collided and they kissed slowly andfilled with love. Once they both needed to break away for air Tony knew it was time to tell the love of his life how he felt for her.

'Ziva? I know that this is kindof sudden and I know that you might not feel the same way but I'm ready to tell you anyway. Ziva David ever since the first time you came into my life, asking if I was having phone sex, I knew I had to have you. But working aside you for nearly 5 years now, I relieased that... I love you... I love you when you threaten me, when you tease me and you have my six. I guess I just...love you' Taking a deep breath Anthony DiNozzo was glad he got how he felt off his chest.

Looking up at Tony, she knew that he was telling her the truth. Smiling up at him 'Tony, I loved you when I came back too D.C and I said that you were imagining doing page 52 with me and I knew I was correct, what I am trying to say is... I love you too'

There it was said, they both knew how the other felt and they loved it.

Smiling up at each other and leaned up/down to kiss each other.

'Tony, when can I leave this hospital? So I can get some proper food?'

'I'm not sure zi, I'll check just stay her.' After giving her a quick kiss, tony left the room in search of Ziva's doctor.

The next time Ziva looked up at the door; Tony was standing in the doorway then started to make his way into the room. While the doctor came in only seconds later. 'Miss David, you can go home now; however you do need too stay with someone so that they can help you with tasks that you cannot perform on your own because of the casts on you arm and leg.'

'Dont worry doctor, she can stay with me and I'll keep my eyes on her' he smirked at her and once she smiled back, he winks.

Once satisfied the doctor left the couple on their own and Tony helped Ziva get changed into the spare set of clothes from her locker at NCIS. After what felt like hours, but in reality only 20 minutes, of filling out the necessary paperwork was signed, they headed out the doors and to Tony's car.

Helping Ziva into his apartment felt so natural to Tony, that it scared him a little bit. But a good scared. (**Sorry if that doesnt make any sense its late at night x) **

Ziva looked around her partner's home and smiled. She knew that this would be homeuntil she was 100% better. But she secretly wished that she'd never get better. That way she gets too stay with the man she loves. Sitting down on the settee, Ziva pulled Tony down with her, using her good arm of course. And snuggled up to his side and soon drifted off to sleep with Tony brushing his fingers through her hair.

They were both in heaven.

Soon not only had Ziva fallen asleep but Tony too. However, before he did drift off into his own slumber, he called the team too let them know where they were, and that Ziva was asleep with a blanket draped over them both.


End file.
